ICU MOM's Guide to Midlife, Marriage,Motherhood,Diet, Fitness,and the Meaning of Life...

Fall fitness and friends meet up!

2009-09-30T22:26:00.004-04:00

Have I really not updated since April! Haven't eaten in months,hospital went computerized, kids were needing to be everywhere at the same time....and the thought of blogggin it all was too satanic.....

Anyway, I'll get onto the Kettlebelle way challenge next post, kind of going backwards from here.

Wednesday the 23rd, flew from Richmond to Atlanta and then to Lax...knew LA immediately by the atomic mushroom cloud emerging in the distance from the desert...

2 nights in Venice - not much changed...in fact I swear the same underemployed, overtanned "artistes" are the same ones I saw decades ago!
Highlight- beautiful Sandra met me and we indulged in a beating at a Chinese massage establishment....Oh the pain, oh the joy afterward as we had some vegetarian Thai food and a good night sleep with the ocean breeze, commplete with smog,flew in the window....
Dragged my jetlagged self to Exhale and squeezed the sludge out of my thighs, abs and arms....lovely showers...but it is hot....saving energy you know...heaven forbid they get rid of the damn CARS that are bumper to bumper at all hours of the day!!
Met up with Jen and we did another Exhale class, visited and awaited our RCR girls
Friday - personal training with Valerie Waters and the beauteous MB....we were observed by Ryan O'Neal, and the girls saw Meg Ryan and David Duchovney....
Later that day, another exhale workout! YIKES my arse hurt!
Saturday, 7fricking 30 workout with Val, day of shopping,visiting, and dinner at Val's with the Healthy Irishman, the lovely Pilates guru Anne, and Sheila - fascinating part of Live 360...It all went too fast..especially getting up at 7 for 8am with Bryan Kest...His wisdom and teaching made the trip...Jen and I sweat like crazy and indulged in ....vegan smoothies..low call with St.Johns wort!
Red Carpet Ready was just a lark that I tried to keep toned as I backed off my intense decades of abusive fitness....and I found lifetime friends.

Sometimes I think the biggest secret in my life is that I'm the lonliest person in town....but for one week-end, I had a sorority of kindred souls with me that I'll never forget.....

But now, back to fighting peripause fat.....new goals, new intent, new plan....but we'll get to that......

2009-04-07T15:35:00.004-04:00

Skwigg challenged us to disclose our sometimes bogus,often effective,occasionally obsessive,always dedicated fitness habits through the years.....so here goes:
Started at 12,latchkey kid,alone during the day,puzzling my way out of pre-teen pudge, I found Lilias on one of our 4 channels (oh how empty was life before cable!)and in weeks had some body changes! Hooked, I forged ahead to pounding,bouncing my way into regimes I read about in Teen and 17,that were followed by Olga an Nadia - and learned to drop weight and twist into a pretzel by 13...
Then came disco and Fosse and 2 hours of dance daily, certain to grow Ann Reinking legs...legs didn't grow, but sure looked long at 100lbs..and I sure could fly through the air!!!
College at Stately GCU(then GCC!)-I gamely jumped into my water rat proclivity and became a lifeguard of our Georgian marble indoor pool and spent hours writing term papers,crying over calculus,making pals with the other kooky peeps who swam millions of laps with me in NJ in January...
Junior Year in France! Rediscovered dancing stretches to soothe my screaming joints and muscles from the cold at night in our non heated dorms,as,at 21,the body was beginning to show early signs of over use.....learned to live on even less, and came home incredibly skinny, could walk 20 miles in a day - not by choice, tres chic,not terribly strong, but ready to be vigorous....
Senior year - JANE!!!!!!!! Jamie Lee!!!!!!! Say what you want about Jane,but she produced a product that made it possible for poor kids to get fit....2 of us WENT IN on buying the CASSETTE, and after my lifeguard/swim detail, we'd donkey kick and arm circle our way to...what was this...TONE?!!!
Early professional Life, in the 80's - Let's talk NYC Health Club..Soho Yoga,Steps dance club(for has been dancers)...it was all about the club, the look,the HIGH impact...let's say 2 hours a day,7days a week...little weights were finding their way to classes, but curiously still frowned upon....I got IDEA certified, and bellowed through my share of circuits, steadystate brutal step, for the next decade..
Marriage, motherhood and VIDIOCY!!!!
The Firm changed it all......one hour a day, and had a body and ripped arms that got my post partum shape zapped back in months in 1991...and again in 1996....
Then add in horseback riding and Tae Kwon Do.....further assault on my back, but hit 40 in the same jeans - literally, that I wore at 29...still a loose 6 or fitted 4 (Gap of course).....Home teachers-Kathy,Cathe,Chalene,Kelly,and even Cher!
OK!!!!!!TIRED of it all!!!!!!
Enter Body for Life and idea of working out LESS....oh yeah, big difference in 6 weeks, and was eating more....onto certification in Yoga,Hot Yoga, Turbokick,Bodypump,Zumba,and bring on heavier weights!Hello Afterburn...I hate you ,so you must be great....not.....because....
Good bye shoulders...gone...zap...gave out...overuse,overworn,not poor form, just no rest in 30 years...none...and WHAT!!!! 9 extra pounds?!!!!! 46 was a long year!!!!!

Enter RCR - clean diet,lighter weigts, cardio that was refreshing,not punishing...and te first 4 lbs of peripausal weight came off....Loving Valerie Waters forever for her calm reassurance and support.....
BUT....CHALEAN! My Turbokick guru! New program......onto THAT For 3 months, heavy weights and intervals, though no more grueling Afterburn kind of workouts....arms popped back out, and new sanity and perspective in place...well, for me...until I found
KETTLEBELL WAY!!! The shiny red ball and handle dazzled me,but even with the impulsive purchase,my fear of shoulder wonkiness kept me at bay.....UNTIL I saw all the instructional videos on youtube!!!! Sooooo, coughed up 50 bucks for Kettlebell Way, and now the Kettlebell Way NYC...and I am HOOKED....HIIT meets long lanky weight training...takes 40 minutes, I"m worn, but energized.....adding to Squeeze and some Val circuits with the RedCarpetclub and I'm bound to be bikini ready by June!(oh yeah, that's our challenge...no prize, no gimmick, just fun among like minded gals all over the world!)

24 months until I hit 50.....40 was a breeze...with the discipline at doing LESS imposed by my balking body, I expect 50 to be a warmer breeze!!! Not sure what I mean by that,but I have 2 years to figure it out....

I don't hate March quite so Much anymore

2009-03-10T21:24:00.003-04:00

I always feel like crap in March. I'm tired, sleepy, weary,cranky - must I go on?!....yes, EVERY March...since I was a kid...the winter is cold, dirty, sloppy, the days are short and cold,work has become mundane and repetitive...the gray outside matches the tin color of my mood.....its so miserable a month, almost everyone in my family picked March to be the month to die in.

I remember one Long Winter of 95-96,where in N.NJ,a not horrible climate,the snow and cold began in October.....and after one warm day in February, our hopes to an end were met with an ugly ice and snow blizzard.....that was the year the water heater failed in 5feet snow, where influenza A struck our nursing staff,requiring OT that knocked us into zombie states,where death came to my family,our dog died, my 2nd miscarriage,cancer to my in-law...and I blamed it all on March.

But then,that horrible month, the 15th came, and as I trudged out at 6am to tiptoe to the car hoping not to bang my ass yet again from an ice skid.....I saw something red.....through the ice, through the blackened dirty snow....I remember it clearly...I dropped my purse,lunch and nurse stuff into the snow....and looked closer....a crocus....spring would come, life would renew, spring would come,and I'd have another child before the next March....I looked up for the first time in months and the light was different,soft,tentative,and warming...and I made a point to check out the Light in March every year since....vowed I would never have to endure another long winter to appreciate the reprieve of the Light in March....

The trees in Southern Virginia, in the colder light of March this year,as the sun sets,stand out and look 3 dimensional - as the air takes on a moist smell to it.....the bluebirds are back, the cardinals,who stay the year are clammoring at my window to fill the feeder....this year also, a long winter for the unusual cold and the lonely chill of economic recession.....and I should've remembered to keep my eyes open....

Disgusted by the length and coldness of this year, I almost missed mid March....were it not for my hubby's uncharacteristic animation as he bellowed to me, "they're calling me back to work!" Joyous to a an older man,whose brilliance is now antiquated,whose health is no longer top notch, who is no longer pursued by the workplace......later that week I ran into some workers at the bagel store who were also called back to work to re-do roads and infrastructure repairs....embullient as they headed out to the cold dampness to work their gig........I abruptly noticed, the weather was moist,the wind warmed and the chickweed took over the neighborhood.... Blessed Chickweed!!! As I tore at the innocent violet weed, there it was...a tiny splotch of red crocus....

By the end of every March, the defeat is replaced by a summons to get busy fixing,repairing,renewing and planting- I almost forgot!!!The sanctity of the promise of spring is too quickly replaced by the work of spring!

The light in March differs from that of the rest of the year....it comes so quickly,gives a glimse of better days to come with the burden of industry we must take on....and the relief of a winter borne,hinting at spring.

Tasha Tudor painted the picture of the girl walking her dog,stopping to catch a glimse of the Light of March.....don't we all see it this year?

I've lived through Marches that included recessions,death, loss, loneliness that I thought would kill me,winters that sucked away my health and stamina....but March always ended, renewal found the world, and redemption found me....it will again this year....its hard to dread March anymore...what follows March is all the sweeter because of it!

Its almost mid-March, I walk the dogs and watch the light and smell the wind - the light is almost right...I won't miss it this year....

Keep your eyes open, get a nap or two to sleep away the dreariness of this long month,trade is encroaching upon the sacrement of arriving Spring....

Now on to remembering I am not eating white flour or chocolate...oh yeah...about that...........

From Emily Dickenson:

A light exists in spring
Not present on the year
At any other period.
When March is scarcely here

A color stands abroad
On solitary hills
That science cannot overtake,
But human naturefeels.

It waits upon the lawn;
It shows the furthest tree
Upon the furthest slope we know;
It almost speaks to me.

Then, as horizons step,
Or noons report away,
Without the formula of sound,
It passes, and we stay:

A quality of loss
Affecting our content,
As trade had suddenly encroached
Upon a sacrament.

Fear not!Be not afraid! Nothing to fear,but fear itself..Are we scared yet?

2009-02-10T21:22:00.004-05:00

I always prided myself on the saying "I'm scared of nothin' and nobody!"......God, (why not believe so if he exists, he won't be pissed!)commands us to "be not afraid,"...fear makes you get irrational thoughts,,breeds hate and jealousy,crime,recklessness...Patanjali cautioned that serenity is contagious,but requires constant vigilance on control and discipline of the mind... Lincoln,Roosevelt,Reagan,and our SuperBarack,all wisely invoke us to not be afraid......and I, half assed master of martial arts, all things fit in strength and endurance,survivor of loss and turmoil, feared nothing.....
Then I turned 46!

WONK!Both shoulders failed despite a lifetime of fitness,sleep began to overtake me in the afternoons, no longer could work 40 hours in 3 days and be up for 2-4 hours of fitness teaching without dread and anxiety....convinced it was thyroid,epstein barr or something, had physical and everything on the extreme end of wonderful...but the orthopod and internist gently suggested....its time to kick it back a notch,my body was giving me a stern warning to back off, before injury was career ending..WHAT?!!!!

FEAR 1: Being hurt......to not do my work is to not breathe....Caution,my new friend.

But then friends got cancer.

It began with a woman who I would run into who would have been a good buddy.
Life,kids, husbands, work got in the way.
She is in the end stage of cancer unless, please God, there is a miracle.
No less than 3 more friends are battling cancer or awaiting biopsies..2 more died this year under 55....

OK - FEAR 2 - Cancer scares me...be it me, my family or YOUR family, I'm scared of it....it doesn't play fair.

Fear 3 - being crippled by fear and losing judgement....so, amassing all my limited brain can from soundbites from all things wise, I cope most days with these points...

So, first point: Tragedy and loss is the ONLY thing in life that is guaranteed, so might as well put chin up and say,"Bring it on," be calm,breathe,and think rationally.

Secondly - don't eat cancer causing stuff - stay away from chemicals and try to stuff the face with all the green stuff like Kris Carr does - incidentally, who else could make cancer crazy and sexy?!That tasty wheat grass juice recipe is being developed this summer!

Third - Don't wait to bring people together...-Erma Bombeck said she wished she had friends over to her dirty house than stay home alone and wait until the day it would be clean enough....and it never was.
Do it now,its so much easier to be a recluse,but fight the urge and go visit people.

Fourth- Tell the people you love,that you work with, that you pass by that they're ok in your book...give em a smile...it might count...I once prowled lower Manhatten in such misery,I prayed I'd be killed,the despair made even the kooks avoid me that day, ...and a woman in a hippy skirt, caught my eye and said,"you look beat, want to join our yoga class?" - those 2 hours in 1985 bought me some time to think,breathe, calm the fear of living a life I detested,feel included, and creep back into life change it... It takes middle age reflection to remember people who changed your life....and you never know what crumbs of thoughtfulness may change the course of someone's life, and maybe history. I hope life treated that woman well.

Fear - its palpable nowadays....what scares you? Tell me about it, we'll laugh about it and it loses its power....

And if you pretend to be faithful and faith will be given to you, so will guts and rational thought....so for what its worth, Don't be scared of nothin and nobody!

Blink an eye.........

2008-11-16T19:01:00.004-05:00

Connor turned 12 this week.He's lived in our town most all of his life with the peeps in the pix.As I listened to the pre-adolescent insults that boys use as endearment (i.e."here's a card with your baby picture on it"...a sharpei),I kept remembering teaching them Sunday school when they were 3, and acting out the Sermon on the Mount ("OYVAY Teacher,We don't got enough fish -we expected 5,and they heard about the free food, look at em all!")...and how they were mesmerized by my method channeling of the Ancients...One of the early conversations involved, "whoever still wears pull-ups, raise your hand!",then I was Miss chelle ....then I used to put one under each arm like boy footballs and charge down the nursery school hall way - because I was Attila the Mom...not scared of nothin'and nobody'...then they did everything but sell their sisters for candy....everything they played with was bats,balls, icky things and flying objects....preferably incendiary....and anything with a joystick, beeps,buzzers, ruled.

So yesterday, I realize they are almost as tall as me,and I no longer have shoulders to hold anyone,having worn em out in my Ninja years...they still live for anything with fat,sugar,whiteflour,salt,chocolate and guitar hero, xbox live, and online gaming replace those horrid leggos and action figures!

And it all happened when I blinked my eyes...........

OH, and as I reminisce, I try to pull my quilt onto my toes, but the Manatee-MaggieMae is on it!

History and Hovercraft

2008-11-04T17:21:00.003-05:00

Ok,lots of land in West Virginia is going to be studded with people building huts to escape the reign of terror from either Obama or McCain - I've heard both. Being inclined to funding education for excellence,affordable housing, equitable tax rates, womens' rights to their own bodies,cuts in benefits for children born on welfare,mandated work programs,I'm hardly a bleeding heart,but I'm a conservative with a heart- liberal Republican,Conservative Democrat? Whoever helps the working person, is my candidate...God Bless the working man and woman.

Having said that, when I grew up,I remember people arguing if more women should be allowed into medical school,people saying "there goes the neighborhood," when middleclass black folks moved in - I had men tell me, at 24,with an MBA that I was taking a job away from a man, and comments on my legs, tan lines,and probable promiscuity abounded with impunity,sending me home to dissolve in tears for a year or two until I got slick.... ...and now a Black man, A Catholic man, and Old man (and I say that with respect and marvel at his stamina and drive),and a woman are in this election - and I think its marvelous...how far we really HAVE come, in spite of it all, we've evolved....

As I meditate on the profound progress of history.....after 6 weeks of fussing, mumbling, procrastinating, my hubby and son made a hovercraft in under an hour....here is the prelim picture..hoping to decorate it like a space ship this weekend....

Homemaking Gadgets continued!

2008-10-17T19:52:00.002-04:00

This gizmo has been my one pot dinner maker for a couple years now. Stainless steel, easy to clean, make chicken salad in 10 minutes, rice in 8 minutes, stew, chili, applesauce in 1 minute....quinoa, beans, legumes, can cook ALOT in a couple minutes...perfect for haggard, ADD like moms like me....

I cannot say enough about my friend Teresa, mom of a tribe in Colorado - the cookbooks she recommends, the bread baking tips, all can be done quickly and at optimal nutrition, and after 10 kids, she is still tiny...

Hi-protein Yogurt Making

2008-09-30T11:17:00.002-04:00

On the RCR blog,lots of talk on tasty recipes that add protein,carb,calcium,vitamins and low calories. Well, this bugger has been the best 18 bucks ever spent. To beef up the protein, you can tweak the basic recipe that they provide by using skim milk and non fat greek yogurt, like fage,the powdered milk you add to the skim as its cooking, pumps up the protein as well.

Some tips:start at middle temp, adding the milk and powdered milk to your cookpot and bring it up sLOWLY to just about to bubble.Then take it off and let it cool for almost an hour.

Meanwhile, the yogurt maker is on, warming up as the pot cools.....after nearly an hour, add the milk potion to the maker with a container of yogurt,stir it up, add a splash of vanilla,some ginger(because ginger is good for everything!), and let it cook 4-8 hours. Gives you a week's worth of yogurt for less than 2 bucks! You can keep it plain and use it for potatoes, or in cooking instead of sour cream...just a great thing to keep around!

With a deep bow to Jillian Michaels, her diuretic recipe works...Brew up two teabags of dandelion tea and add to a gallon of distilled water with a few tablespoons of pure cranberry juice (like Knutson),some lemon juice, and sip throughout the day...

Now, I cannot stomach distilled water, so I just use my own tap water (we have reverse osmosis system so its pretty pure), and sometimes use cranberry pomogranite juice -just to add all the good stuff in palm juice....and an emergenC or two.... because -otherwise it doesn't taste good enough!

Science Fair,Ovens,Detention

2008-09-19T13:07:00.004-04:00

To the left - little does she know she'll be turning the shop vac into an alien! My Daughter, tatooing tots at the ChristianSchool fundraiser.
I need a new oven. The door to my current one doesn't close right, the glass top is scratched. I get waves of inspiration-spend months grinding my own wheat and baking bread that weighs more than my son, baking cookies, stir-frying home grown veggies -real earth mom...then I burn out...Now, oven is becoming an eyesore, and need a sensible new one. Self clean,smooth top,TWO ovens in ONE!!! Naw, the 2nd oven looks like something I'd have cheese burning in - the heating thingys are very close to the slide in and out thing that you put Boboli's on.....ok, back to basics...self clean, smooth top, GRILL function?! Yes - think I'd love to take up grilling! We used to go to the beach with Bobby Flay, that makes grilling my calling doesn't it? Some ovens are 700 dollars, but for 2200 - you get auto-sense buttons that can tell what you're cooking and adjust the heat - it convection cooks too - so everything is done quick and the money I'd save...maybe I"ll take up bread baking again...maybe I can sell it at the Farmer's Market, maybe I can mail order it.....well, I'm limiting the budget to under 900 .....wanting suggestions........
The Science Fair is coming. I hate science fairs.I LONG to be a crafty mom and my talent and attention span are lacking. This year though, with my moonlighting fitness jobs gone due to shoulders shot from years of moonlighting fitness jobs, I have time, and THIS is MY...I mean,my SON's year!!!!
My dear friend Grit - brilliant,beautiful, retired at 38 because of it, was class mom and did the science fair in Lake Tahoe to perfection..I will be the Virginia contingent and make a HOVERCRAFT!!! Anything Grit ever did in school, I tried to copy, and at best, was a half-assed,slip-shod version...but I'll take it!
SO, full of the warm inner glow that a mom feels when she's going to gift her child with a life defining win, and thrilling with the anticipation that I will at last be vindicated as a crafty...a HOVER crafty mom, I sat next to 11 year old son as he dolefully spooned Honey Nut Cheerios into his mouth.
ME: "Honey, WE"RE going to make a HOVERCRAFT for science fair!"
Him: raises one eyebrow - I never could do that, "Cool mom,"
Daughter,17 and who asked HER : "Aw mom, stick to the colored birdseed idea, not a hover craft!"
Me: Listen,we can WIN this thing this year! We can do it as a family, Dad is an engineer, I'm a crafty mom, Granma can dress the shop vac up as an elephant alien to fuel it..."
Son: MOM, don't be so cocky, a 7th grader last year made a talking robot that could tell you what COLOR you put up in front of it!
Me.....silent
Me: Oh, what's so great about THAT! We'll make OURs a RIDE.
Daughter: MOM -don't do this to him - every year we hand in some goofball creation that gets us an A because the teachers like you!!! Remember the jumping rabbit?
Me - silent, remembering paper machet rabbit with long neck that looked like it had been shaken....it was supposed to be able to bounce and hop when dropped to the ground...well, never mind...that was YEARS ago....
Daughter: Remember the conestoga WAGON for the Mormon Fall Festival??
Me - remembering how flabberghasted I was that mormons don't spike their cider at fall festivals.....hubby glowered at me at THAT party, well, our conestoga wagon, to show Mormons how IRISH/ITALIANs get it done, ended up 2-wheeled - on one side, sitting sadley next to a fleet of perky,ready to ride west behemoths....no wonder our relatives stayed in NY..
GRANDMA(ok, who asked my MOM)-Mishy, don't send that child to school with another goofy project...this is beyond you.
ME:NEVER MIND!!! I have consulted an higher authority.
Son:God?
Me: NO, the queen of all Science Fairs....GRIT....and even if ours is a slipshod half assed version of hers, it will STILL be the hit of the fair next to the Gay Robot.
Son, Pickinig up backpack...: Cool mom....lets do it.............
2 hours later - calling golfer hubby....."Hey honey, its me, your beautiful wife, who still loves you so much,"
Him: Hi Sweety, whatcha need?
Me: NEED?! Why would I NEED something to call my hot hubby...oh...and by the way, do we have jigsaw?
HAAAAAAA - the stunned silence that followed.....NOW I have an assistant!
MAYBE,this hovercraft will come out so well, that people will want to ORDER some from me for Christmas presents! Maybe I can do THIS as a mail order business.....maybe Amazon will pick it up and we can make flying elephant hovercrafts......THIS time, I"m not screwing it up!!!!

2008-09-05T17:14:00.003-04:00

Max the cat went outside on a light collar and long lead and the dogs became complete fools - Max is by the hydrangea and the 4 idiots pranced around like reindeer.

In other news, the dialysis company offered me the world to leave my beloved ICU. Into it 2 weeks with 3 out of 6 16 hour shifts! WHAT? I'm a coal miner's great granddaughter and we will not be exploited.....so humbled myself back into ICU and I'm home again.

New position requires New Gadget

2008-08-22T15:46:00.002-04:00

After 18 years of Neuro/trauma,CCU,NICU,general ICU,PACU,special procedures,conscious sedation,homeIV care,rehab -I'm now learning acute dialysis. I thought being the uber-gadget queen in town,I'd whizz through that monster machine and be cleaning kidneys all over the SouthEast in record time.Feeling out of my comfort zone - told it would take 4-5 months, I aimed for 6 weeks...its been 2, and think I need a full 2 months...stressing me out....and I don't want to get into the bagels,or even the chicken salad,or....hubby's chocolate almond bar (dipped in crunchy pb of course)...no.....I am getting RCR'd with Firmchica and Laura and Ryan et all - so no crap.....booze? No, cain't do that - I'd have to dialyze myself....and liver dialysis is coming -how awesome will that be? Seriously...

But I digress....then, surfing my new employer's site, find out that 24 hour access in imperative....can write off a beeper...BEEPER!!!!How 80's!!!!! SOOOOO, with spotting cell phone coverage at my hospital and a hundred other rationales, I am upgrading my olePearl to a Sexy Curve to match my RCR new bod! All is well.

Going to upload some pix of RCR in action in my cell like workout area - a 9x10 room that is gym, library,sewing/craft/office/and kitty litter room.

Teen daughter,hating me,cleaning her room, fussed for 2 hours, now happy over how it looks....

Basset hound plopped squarely in a newly vacuumed spot, she hates the smell of dogs we think!

Confessions of a Carb Queen,and Half Assed - things to ponder

2008-08-16T20:31:00.003-04:00

Back from Chincoteague where I spent 4 days reading the above books, initially expected Confessions of a Carb Queen, by Susan Blech to be a self deprecating, humorous tale of weight loss...it was raw, brutal,and so honest, I felt like a voyeur....what's more, is that although I haven't experienced food pathology like that, it hints at a potential that I think lies in all of us.........what's more, although her childhood had tragic loss - I'm not convinced that the disorder is caused by this...I am beginning to think, that like an alcoholic, a foodaholic will binge eat when happy,sad, celebrating, lonely - in short, they will find a reason or a trigger and that the cause is more organic and systemic than psychological.....Having said THAT ( and who died and made me Dr.Oz?), I think that dogged behavior modification,12-Step and constant lifestyle evolution and self help can control it.........

But back to Susan - I followed up on her blog, and saw her Today Show clip - this gal is so full so self accusation and so punitive to herself - to me, she suffers from the cancer of obesity, not a character flaw, - if not beaten back with vigilance it recurrs....her situation, being able to consume such vast amounts without vomiting, is unusual I think...but she's shown that she can get it off.......what's more.........she is an interesting, well -read, funny and warm person, a real character, I wish she lived close to me, I'd love to hang out with her! The weight issue hides all that because our first impulse is to notice a person's weight. Ironically, she is beloved, has more friends than I've ever had, ....I wish she loved and respected herself as much as so many of her friends, family, and now fans do! She would NEVER let a friend self destruct, and I hope she continues the journey to befriend herself!
Janet Fulda of Pastaqueen.com fame is another who has managed to stay quite thin and publish a humorous, insightful blog...her book was more gentle, more didactic and observational/reproachful than Susan's. most of all on herself - she can't site anything that triggered her behavior - the behavior found its own triggers...She grudgingly picked up South Beach, and lost a ton of weight....and the observations in how society treated her in her transformation. Another fabulous woman that addiction has kept from us!
Both books broadened my insight, deepened my commitment to practice kindness, reminded me that nothing is as it seems, and if we exclude people from our lives because they don't fit a mold, we're missing out on some really great friends.

Air soft guns,Beagle eyes,poached local Veggies

2008-08-15T17:23:00.002-04:00

Such is my day.Last day of relishing using up sick time due to my shoulder problems - I have bone marrow edema and cysts between the ball and socket of each arm - who knew of such things.Being the maniac I am known to be, the doc said in my case, we can defer surgery to "tighten the chassis" and do aggressive 4 month ....not much...have exercised consistently since I was 13, and in the past 3 years, got into the philosophy of Body for Life, NROLW,Afterburn - heavy weights.....and the loose joints that make me flexible, are now rubbing bone against bone as stuff wears out...who knew? Enter Valerie Waters and her flawless suggestions that shouldtake me through the next 4 months without becoming a blob.

In other news, Maizy-Beagle, one of the Gang of 4 dawgs, has an eye ulcer - huh? Poor thing, drops like crazy and apparently 200 bucks later, the ulcer is resolved but needs doctoring...kaching, but worth it......

Then Connor, who I can not resist very often , tells me of this cool "air soft gun" shoots soft pellets and even has a play magazine to load....sounds nerf-like, what the heck? He even goes to the unusual extreme of helping pull up my spent tomato/veggie plants on my 16x8 farm, and swiffered the upstairs floor...whatta good boy, right?...... Well, First I end up in Hell (aka Walmart) - and find it in the GUN section with warnings all over...."Uh, Son? NO WAY!" He moped and demanded to know why........yeah, I said it....".you'll put your eye out!"

Having thus grumpified the son, proceeded to head into struggle over Gatsby with Alexa...but thanx to Grandmom, she's nearly through with it....

Ready for Bud Light with the soaked hubby, who showed up around 430, having worked and played 8 holes before running for cover with this dastardly thunderstorm.....and as he dined on gourmet, organic (he doesn'tknow that) hotdogs on whole grain, baked beans, corn and tomato salad..........I had steamed veggies and chicken....Now that I've blabbed all over creation that I have to lose 12 lbs.....I have to try and lose at least 10!

Vacation,Valerie,Various aches and Pains

2008-08-14T18:36:00.004-04:00

So, here I am falling out of my "shift" in Chingoteague with my friend's baby mastiff...oh,I'm the one on your right. 4 days with no internet or phone service,and 2 teens in a small cabin-no wonder hubby hi-tailed it back to work in 24 hours. Ah the dedication of a golfer.

Finished"Confessions of a Carb Queen" and "Half Assed," and am more convinced than ever that what drives many, although not all, folks into weight issues is that same glitch in the brain that leads to gambling,alcohol,sex,and whatever addiction. Not everyone - some its as easy as ,"Oh! Weight Watchers, bango 30 lbs" or some its South Beach...then theres some where like me, dieting became the addiction in my teens..I"m not there now, but I sure remember it....and no, I wouldnt' go back to it either. I think my drive to get to a normal weight was the strong desire for kids...but then I had binging issues too, and kind of addressed them with my own version of behavior modification..but I'll address all that in later posts of self confession!

Connor, my 11 year old hung out with his old day care buddy, Matt, and they hooked up with an old fisherman who had them cleaning fish..only the sons of a doctor (Matt's mom) and nurse (moi) would find that absolutely riveting and compelling on vacation.

Came home starved from beach yesterday and ate 10 oreos and a handful of wheat thins...knowing I'd have to avoid the scale for a week..doesn't take much to blump (new word - blimp meets plump) me up at my dotage...come home to find the beauteous Valerie Waters is profiling me on her site...NOW I have to shape up and quit being a slug about my eating...

Had both shoulders MRI'd and I have bone marrow edema and both are unstable..did I mention all this? Sure I did..well, I"m meeting MaryBeth from Yoga class (one of my students and also a PT and pilates teacher) at the PT place for an hour next week of teaching me home stuff to crank in and tighten the ball and socket...the rotator, bicep/tricep/delt/all else were, "impressive for any woman, almost to athlete development," of course that's all I heard to feel uplifted!

Maizy Beagle has an ulcer in her eye -what the heck? So we're doctoring her for that...walking her and Danny Golden Retriever for 2 miles and listen to Jillian's radio show on ipod - 1200 calories...bah...but to make Val look good, not to mention, me, total babe, will do....well, I'll try.............

Michelle, The Early Years

2008-08-09T18:07:00.000-04:00

HI, I'm Michelle, I'm 47, married 17 years to Bob, mom to Alexa and Connor (17 and 11)...we live in Southern Virginia with 4 dogs, a cat, and my mom! I work long days, in ICU or dialysis, but have 4 days to teach yoga and do all the nonsense it takes to make life run in some sort of organized chaos...

Grew up between upstate NY and NJ.Undergrad, majored in International Studies and French, including a year in Paris..with the recession of the 80's,no work to be found, was back to school for an MBA and by 27, was out of the working poverty, driving a sports car,owned a condo outside Manhatten, saw Broadway shows in premiere, worked out in the most exclusive clubs, dated the most affluent, usually older men to be found...and wanted to put my head in an oven.

Following a cataclizmic afternoon in a crisis of midlife, at 28 years old..I up and sold car, condo, took leave of work and went to nursing school....Fast forward25 years or so, and here I am...wife, mom, nurse, yoga teacher....and a life I kind of always dreamed of, not the one I thought I should strive for - but money and labels and that life were not for me....and I found most people are hurting inside no matter how successful they seem, nothing is ever what it seems....and although I am tired and overwhelmed at times, I thank God that I have an interesting and rewarding life...........

I am a fitness nut, and have lived a life of Spartan deprivation since I was 13 - big year - discovered Lilias on TV, then Joannie Greggains....Nadia Comeneche, jazz dancing, and I was off! But I'll talk about my Forrest Gumping through the famous in fitness in later posts!